|CC image courtesy of ilouque|
Now it seems to have become some sort of fight, with fiction constantly winning, and me constantly asking for a rematch. So what does the fact that I can't give up say about me, my writing abilities? I'm not too sure, to be honest. Perhaps I should accept defeat. I do not have this problem with non-fiction, and even poetry (which I struggled with for a while, feeling as though I'd never 'get it'). Now, I'm not saying my poetry is top quality, or that my non fiction is top notch, but in those cases I don't feel the huge block I experience with fiction. I even feel my non fiction is quite good; I have abilities in that field. But fiction? It just never seems to work.
Each time I try and fail, I wonder why. Is it a lack of plot? A lack of character growth? I'm still not entirely sure. This month is National Novel Writing Month, as some readers will know, and I did try, again. I started off with a plot I always seem to go back to, though with a few differences each time. October 31st rolls around, and I realise this plot won't work. I refrain from weeping silently, and start thinking of another plot. I manage to find a plot. I cannot think of character names, so write one word descriptions in capital letters to keep track. I write a little bit, and perhaps two days later, I feel the need to change the plot. I did not completely throw it away, but combined the old one and the new one. I then became very excited and wrote a scene about one of the new characters. And then... just a few days later, it's over. I don't want to do this any more, I can't do it, I tell myself. The plot is becoming too complicated, I have no idea how to write it well - I'd even veered to a genre I never have written in, and the whole thing feels like a huge chore.
What am I doing wrong? I don't think it can be just plot problems - obviously I did have some ideas. Sometimes I wonder if it's just laziness. I do sometimes feel like writing out a scene is just too much of an effort. I might have thought of it, visualised it.. writing it down? Ugh! Too much work... Strange, though, as I love to write in general. I love writing non fiction. I love experimenting with poetry. And so the question remains unanswered. Plot? Characters? Laziness? I wondered if perhaps I was subconsciously rebelling against novel writing because I 'had to' write one to take part in NaNoWriMo, but the fiction block happens any month, any time I try to write a story. I have started many stories, never to be finished. Sometimes I manage to write a lot of words for one story, but sooner or later it dies.
I've been thinking about trying to write short stories and move away from the novel form, but even that feels difficult, even unachievable. Short story writers feel like a special group of writers, able to do what novelists do with a fraction of the words! Long story short, I've not found the answer to my peculiar block. At least not yet.
Do you like to write? Is there a form of writing you've never been able to achieve, and still want to? Or is there a form of writing you don't dare to try? Comment below and share your woes!